Category Archives: Diary

choosing love and happiness

Recently I was selected to join a group called The Sunshine Club. It is a space dedicated to positivity, self-love and equality, despite what challenges the universe may throw us. As silly as it may seem, I love taking the time to look for the good in things (or, as Pollyanna calls it, The Glad Game), for taking selfies and appreciating my friends and my beauty, and just for sharing a bit more love in the world.

This group was initiated by the lovely Prim, a teenager from the Philippines with a dazzling smile and a penchant for dogs and other soft, cute things. Although the group is only just starting,  everyone’s positivity and love for each other and the world is so present and overwhelmingly inspiring.

I feel like we can move mountains.

 

 

Maddy xxx

thoughts on drinking culture and alcoholism

It might sound weird and/or sad, but there’s something so comforting about talking to other kids of alcoholics.

In a culture where it’s so normal to drink to forget, get completely wasted for fun, or even just have a few alcoholic beverages after work to unwind, it’s reassuring and validating to meet others who get agitated around those (especially loved ones) who drink, and who feel that intense fear when those people slur and sway as they slip from tipsy to drunk. You can’t tell whether they’re going to keep to themselves and become dazed and sleepy, or if they’re going to turn on you, with their disorientation making them link together your faults, and confuse real events with what they make up.

You can connect with these other kids as you recall nights of walking on egg shells around your parent(s), staying up late in your room until you’re certain they’re asleep, worried they’ll barge in, drag you out of bed and start yelling at you.

I’m not denying that alcohol can be fun for some, but it is a drug. It shouldn’t be so normalised.

For those who have had similar experiences to what I have, or simply don’t like drinking, enjoy your tea/water/juice/whatever non-alcoholic beverages you love, appreciate the fact that you can get hyped about life or connect with friends without being intoxicated, and be grateful that rarely will late-night clubbing be your scene, and you can spend your weekend evenings nice and relaxed in the comfort of your own home.

 

 

Maddy xxx

high school nostalgia

 

 

I never ever thought that I’d say this, but I miss high school. Or, at the very least, I’m developing a sense of nostalgic longing and thinking about the rose-tinted memories of my teenage years. Even though I’m highly introverted, I miss the presence of people I am close to on an almost daily basis. I miss when spending a fortnight without seeing my friends was one of the hardest things to deal with. I miss becoming fluent in foreign languages and dreaming of exploring the world.

When I’d get into deep depressive spells where I wanted to claw my skin off, I knew that the loneliness would only last until 8am (at the latest) the following day. I never got close to isolating as much as I do now.

I know that the people I’ve kept in my life are those most important to me, but I miss the others who looked out for me. I miss that feeling of a misfit family.

 

 

Maddy xxx

autumn favourites

Hello, everyone who may see this!

I didn’t forget about  this blog per say, but the world has been a bit hectic and, overtime, became less of a priority than it once was. However, I find that creativity and sharing ideas are hugely beneficial things for me, so I definitely don’t want to let this go. To ease back into this, I thought I’d do a favourites post for the past season.

  • Seeking professional help
    My brain has a history of not being the greatest, and this has ramped up lately due to lots of lovely past trauma and stuff. Autumn has been a lot of talking to counsellors, and just recently I applied for specialised treatment, so I’m heading in the right direction.
  • Watercolour painting
    There’s something so calming about it. I’ve taken to sitting in the sunshine with my cat and making rainbows and other splashes of colour. It kind of reminds me of the opening to the old Beatrix Potter show. (Here’s a link if you don’t know what I mean, or want to reminisce in its glory.)
  • Harry Potter and the Sacred Text
    This is a weekly podcast by Vanessa, Casper and Ariana, three Harvard students who have decide to treat the series as a sacred text (like the Bible, for example). Each episode unpacks a chapter through the lens of a particular theme, such as love, disappointment, loneliness, or friendship. Casper and Vanessa are the co-hosts, and I absolutely love how light-hearted and witty they are, but also how they’ve been so insightful and open with their genuine thoughts and feelings. It has definitely enhanced my love and appreciation for Harry Potter. (You can find out more and listen to the podcasts here.)
  • Libraries and bookshops
    My boyfriend and I are your typical poor uni students, so lately we’ve been spending dates at bookshops and libraries. I easily get overwhelmed and worked up in situations where there’s a lot of sensory input, so they’ve been perfect for us. We can read hilarious books, learn new things, look at recipe books for meal inspiration, and often there are small children toddling around, so we get to make new friends.
  • Printable calendars
    At my old house, I was allowed to stick things on my walls, so I had monthly and yearly calendars, to-do lists, and schedules everywhere. Sadly, I’ve had to limit myself to a pinboard, so I’ve often felt less organised. Recently, I discovered these gorgeous printable calendars from Shining Mom and they have helped a lot! I love the colour they add, and I feel much more in control now that I can see my plans for the month ahead.

 

 

Maddy xxx

throw kindness around like confetti

Last night, one of my favourite bloggers made this post on instagram, asking for everyone to share compliments with each other. It didn’t take long or very much effort – just look at another person’s profile and say all the nice things we usually tend to internalise. We ended up spending about half an hour getting to know each other, spreading love and feeling so very happy. (Or at least I did.) It cemented my appreciation of how powerful positivity and kindness are, and how easily it can impact so many people.

So I’ve got a challenge for all of you who read this. I want you to share a compliment in the comment section, be it for a family member, friend, or someone you saw on the street today. Then, if possible, I want you to share it with that person.

My compliment is for my sister ~ You are so strong and wise, especially when considering how young you are. You are hardworking, joyful, and make so many people happy with your presence. You are so loving and caring, and are an absolute delight to be with. I love being able to grow along beside you.

 

 

Maddy xxx

meet lily

 

I thought I’d introduce to my darling Lily. She’s been in my family since I was maybe seven and, if you can’t tell, I absolutely adore her. Today she’s taking advantage of the sun in my bedroom. She’s been on my windowsill, done some typing on my laptop, and is now asleep on my desk.

 

Maddy xxx

getting to know me

Hello there lovely people, how are you today? (Or if no one is reading this, then hello void!)

If you can’t guess, I am Maddy, and this is a place where I’m sharing bits of myself and working out who I am. I’m currently in the midst of my final year of university and haven’t had much time for myself, so I hope that this can be a bit of an outlet for self-expression.

To get started, I might share a few facts about me…

* My MBTI type is INFJ; I’m introverted, love to help others and want to heal the world.
* I love reading more than writing, but I have a million story ides that I’d love to persue.
* I’ve been studying primary education for the past four years; teaching has been a huge passion of mine since I was about five.
* Some of my favourite shows are Community, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Pushing Daisies, and Yuri On Ice.
* I have a twelve (almost thirteen) year old sister.

 

Maddy xxx