Tag Archives: life

chasing sunsets

The best days are often spent watching sunsets with friends. Holding their hands, kissing them, laughing with them so hard that you cry.

Today was a good day.

 

 

Maddy xxx

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currently listening

When I was in year seven/eight, I completely adored Kesha’s music. They were complete bops, and were perfect for singing along to with friends during the lunch break.

Since then, I’ve dealt with a lot of stuff that’s a bit similar to what she’s gone through and am finally starting to recover. This song looks at a lot of those themes and, oh my goodness, the end product is so incredible and empowering.

I love this song and I love her.

 

 

Maddy xxx

it’s not my fault – tw: rape, abuse

it’s not my fault.
not my fault.
my fault.
fault.

you should’ve gotten out of there. but i didn’t.
you should’ve just said no. but i didn’t.
you should’ve seen the signs. but i didn’t.

i’m not naive.
i’m not a slut.
i’m trying to learn that it’s his fault.

fault.
my fault.
not my fault.
it’s not my fault.

 

 

Maddy xxx

surprise sunshine

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This morning (20/6) was very dark and rainy. The type of rain that’s heavy and blows about in all directions. I hung the washing up undercover, yet much of the clothes still got soaked; the rain insisted on going everywhere.

But then, around the mid-afternoon, there was sun, dancing across my backyard. It was warm, and the rays soothed my weary mind and body. I painted the sun in my journal to document this feeling.

My cat had other ideas and wanted to rub her face against my paintbrush, nearly tipping over my water glass in the process. Then she decided to sit on it for a while, and let me photograph her.

My cat can go on to tell all her animal friends of how she sat on the sun.

 

 

Maddy xxx

lake adventures

Recently, my depression and anxiety has been at its worst; I’ve struggled to not feel like death and didn’t leave the house in ages. On this day (19/6), instead, I decided to get the cleaning stuff done early, have lunch at about 11am, then tied my hair in a bun, laced up my sneakers and went for a walk. Geographically, I knew there was a lake nearby, but (even though I’ve lived here for three months) I didn’t really know how to get there.

So I just wandered.

From the road I was on, I spotted a playground at the end of a lane-way and, behind that, the lake. My already comparably better mood vamped up even higher. I felt a natural smile and I even giggled a bit as I swung on the swingset and admired the lake.

After a while, I finally coaxed myself off the swing and went exploring, met some ducks, pelicans, seagulls, cockatoos and ibises, and v e r y carefully walked along a jetty. It was at that point, watching the seaweed sway in the water and listening to the birds squawk as they flew around me, where the tears started. Genuine happiness is a strange thing to deal with when your mind and body are against you, when your brain believes you’re constantly in danger.

Just that moment of realisation: I’m happy.

It’s a shock to the system. Even though you’ve experienced it lots in the past, it’s like you’ve been handed this screaming, flailing thing and you’re completely clueless as to what to do with it.

But I embraced it.

I let the tears flow and streak across my face in the wind, laughed at the small and pitiful tweet of a baby seagull trying to join in with the squawking adults, and relished in my happiness, in all its weirdness and beauty.

 

 

Maddy xxx