Tag Archives: mental health

lake adventures

Recently, my depression and anxiety has been at its worst; I’ve struggled to not feel like death and didn’t leave the house in ages. On this day (19/6), instead, I decided to get the cleaning stuff done early, have lunch at about 11am, then tied my hair in a bun, laced up my sneakers and went for a walk. Geographically, I knew there was a lake nearby, but (even though I’ve lived here for three months) I didn’t really know how to get there.

So I just wandered.

From the road I was on, I spotted a playground at the end of a lane-way and, behind that, the lake. My already comparably better mood vamped up even higher. I felt a natural smile and I even giggled a bit as I swung on the swingset and admired the lake.

After a while, I finally coaxed myself off the swing and went exploring, met some ducks, pelicans, seagulls, cockatoos and ibises, and v e r y carefully walked along a jetty. It was at that point, watching the seaweed sway in the water and listening to the birds squawk as they flew around me, where the tears started. Genuine happiness is a strange thing to deal with when your mind and body are against you, when your brain believes you’re constantly in danger.

Just that moment of realisation: I’m happy.

It’s a shock to the system. Even though you’ve experienced it lots in the past, it’s like you’ve been handed this screaming, flailing thing and you’re completely clueless as to what to do with it.

But I embraced it.

I let the tears flow and streak across my face in the wind, laughed at the small and pitiful tweet of a baby seagull trying to join in with the squawking adults, and relished in my happiness, in all its weirdness and beauty.

 

 

Maddy xxx

 

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pyjama dance party

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To put yourself in a good mood that lasts the whole day, I strongly recommend pyjama dance parties. Get up, let the sun shine in your room, and dance and sing along to your favourite music.

I thought I’d make a little playlist of some of my favourite pyjama dance party songs!

Walking on Sunshine // Aly & AJ
Dancing Queen // Mamma Mia Movie Soundtrack
I Got Nerve // Hannah Montana
Why Not // Hilary Duff
ABC // The Jackson 5
Love Myself // Hailee Steinfeld
Shout Out to my Ex // Little Mix
Mmmbop // Hanson
Bring it all Back // S Club 7
Elle Me Dit // Mika
C’est la Vie // B*Witched
Every Single Night // Computer Games

 

 

Maddy xxx

high school nostalgia

 

 

I never ever thought that I’d say this, but I miss high school. Or, at the very least, I’m developing a sense of nostalgic longing and thinking about the rose-tinted memories of my teenage years. Even though I’m highly introverted, I miss the presence of people I am close to on an almost daily basis. I miss when spending a fortnight without seeing my friends was one of the hardest things to deal with. I miss becoming fluent in foreign languages and dreaming of exploring the world.

When I’d get into deep depressive spells where I wanted to claw my skin off, I knew that the loneliness would only last until 8am (at the latest) the following day. I never got close to isolating as much as I do now.

I know that the people I’ve kept in my life are those most important to me, but I miss the others who looked out for me. I miss that feeling of a misfit family.

 

 

Maddy xxx