Tag Archives: photo

chasing sunsets

The best days are often spent watching sunsets with friends. Holding their hands, kissing them, laughing with them so hard that you cry.

Today was a good day.

 

 

Maddy xxx

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lake adventures

Recently, my depression and anxiety has been at its worst; I’ve struggled to not feel like death and didn’t leave the house in ages. On this day (19/6), instead, I decided to get the cleaning stuff done early, have lunch at about 11am, then tied my hair in a bun, laced up my sneakers and went for a walk. Geographically, I knew there was a lake nearby, but (even though I’ve lived here for three months) I didn’t really know how to get there.

So I just wandered.

From the road I was on, I spotted a playground at the end of a lane-way and, behind that, the lake. My already comparably better mood vamped up even higher. I felt a natural smile and I even giggled a bit as I swung on the swingset and admired the lake.

After a while, I finally coaxed myself off the swing and went exploring, met some ducks, pelicans, seagulls, cockatoos and ibises, and v e r y carefully walked along a jetty. It was at that point, watching the seaweed sway in the water and listening to the birds squawk as they flew around me, where the tears started. Genuine happiness is a strange thing to deal with when your mind and body are against you, when your brain believes you’re constantly in danger.

Just that moment of realisation: I’m happy.

It’s a shock to the system. Even though you’ve experienced it lots in the past, it’s like you’ve been handed this screaming, flailing thing and you’re completely clueless as to what to do with it.

But I embraced it.

I let the tears flow and streak across my face in the wind, laughed at the small and pitiful tweet of a baby seagull trying to join in with the squawking adults, and relished in my happiness, in all its weirdness and beauty.

 

 

Maddy xxx

 

high school nostalgia

 

 

I never ever thought that I’d say this, but I miss high school. Or, at the very least, I’m developing a sense of nostalgic longing and thinking about the rose-tinted memories of my teenage years. Even though I’m highly introverted, I miss the presence of people I am close to on an almost daily basis. I miss when spending a fortnight without seeing my friends was one of the hardest things to deal with. I miss becoming fluent in foreign languages and dreaming of exploring the world.

When I’d get into deep depressive spells where I wanted to claw my skin off, I knew that the loneliness would only last until 8am (at the latest) the following day. I never got close to isolating as much as I do now.

I know that the people I’ve kept in my life are those most important to me, but I miss the others who looked out for me. I miss that feeling of a misfit family.

 

 

Maddy xxx

booktalk: the green mile

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My favourite stories often happen to be the saddest.

I am a complete crybaby and scare easily, so The Green Mile is the only Stephen King novel I’ll probably ever read. It is told from the perspective of a man who works at the state penitentiary, and follows the lives of his colleagues and the inmates, including Mr. Jingles, an incredibly talented mouse, and John Coffey, a 6’8 man who has been charged with sexual assault and murder, but has a life-changing gift.

I’ve read this three times, having read it for the first time early last year, and I always forget how it moves me. The characters disgust me more than Dolores Umbridge, make me laugh aloud, and make me want to treat the world with so much love and kindness.

I give this a 99% rating.

 

 

Maddy xxx

meet lily

 

I thought I’d introduce to my darling Lily. She’s been in my family since I was maybe seven and, if you can’t tell, I absolutely adore her. Today she’s taking advantage of the sun in my bedroom. She’s been on my windowsill, done some typing on my laptop, and is now asleep on my desk.

 

Maddy xxx